What does “whole-hearted” even mean?

Dr. Brene Brown has a great TED talk on just this topic and, at the risk of giving away the punch-line, a large part of what we need to feel connected and whole-hearted, even in the context of the dissertation, is to allow ourselves to feel vulnerable… to do what’s necessary, even without knowing what the outcome will be; to give up a longing to apply the “predict and control” mindset of research to our own life process and instead apply a willingness to do the work and see what emerges.

And vulnerability leads to other sorts of important elements we need to feel connected to the dissertation, to the committee, to the process of dissertating: the courage to be imperfect, compassion for ourselves (and then to others), authentic connection by letting go what we think “should be” to allow “what is” to be enough.

I invite you to actively listen to Dr. Brown’s talk — she’s funny and a great example of connecting with her audience through her own vulnerability. Listen with an ear to the process of doing a dissertation and let me know what you think — what popped out at you?

This is almost always a tricky area for dissertationers.

You want feedback so you can get the work to a place where it’s “done”. (And it’s so nice to hear you’re on track and sounding smart! ;-)

You don’t want the feedback because sometimes it makes you feel inept or plops a bunch of re-working back in your lap.

What to do??

I’ve found many of the challenges are actually less about the work you are submitting and more about whether your advisor/reader knows how to give you useful constructive feedback that will move you ahead.

I remember with my own advisor getting pages and pages of the tiniest editorial word-smithing (“and” or “or”?) PLUS questions about what section this even went in. So frustrating!

Many years later, I can see that I partly contributed to my frustration by not knowing how to ask for feedback effectively, not “owning” my drafts (instead kind of writing for her approval — like a scribe instead of a colleague), and feeling compelled to make every change she suggested (even if that meant changing it back to the way I had it before!!).

Today, I came across a good article on reviewing someone else’s writing. It seemed to me that this is a good article to look at fro the other side as well. All the advice about how to review applies just as much as how to ask for review (aka how to teach your advisor what you need without being so direct about it).

So here it is: Talkin’ ‘Bout Writing: How to Discuss a Colleague’s Writing While Preserving Your Working Relationship and Career.

What are the most common purposes you want from your advisor’s review? What ways have you used to get that specific feedback?

It’s sort of Just For Fun, but sort of Something to Think About…

Which version feels like you?

Which version feels “right”?

How can you create the version that’s Real?

Most of the time people use this phrase to taking tiny, tiny little steps.

That’s probably a good and useful image when we imagine it from the adult perspective of walking beside a baby.

And it can be useful when we are wishing the dissertation would complete itself overnight or when we feel like we’re just not Making Progress.

But, as dissertations go, we’re not the adult who knows how to walk and take giant leaps whenever necessary.

We’re the baby….

How To Generate Overwhelm:

In your head, make a big pile of vitally important stuff to do.

Identify with the belief that it must be done,
sooner than possible.

Put all your attention into imagining the future.

Focus on what you don’t yet know how to do,
keeping in mind that it is essential to know
what you don’t know.

- Jude Spacks, in Creativity Insightments newsletter, August 2009

I suspect you can see why I’m thinking dissertation here…the very opposite of the Growth Mindset, UnDissertation approach…

Feel like sharing how you control the Overwhelm Monster? (Note that it’s not a “taming” — you need to keep applying your strategies or it breaks out all over again — sneaky beast.)

Half-marathons are difficult and worthwhile. Product launches are difficult and worthwhile. Getting to Nepal takes time, but I’m glad to do it. And so on. Note that not each step along the way is enjoyable. The half-marathon, for example, went like this:

Miles 1-3: cautious, warming up
Miles 4-6: feeling better
Miles 7-9: initial onset of fatigue, but also growing confidence that I would finish the race well
Miles 10-12: this is so hard
Miles 12-13.1: ommmmmmm one foot in front of the other

I don’t know about you, but I’m hearing “Doing a Dissertation” here. ;-)

What mile are you in? Isn’t it refreshing to know that the harder it feels, the closer you are to Done? 8^)

Several writers share their favourite procrastination techniques.

But I’m not sharing so you can get a whole new set of techniques for delay!!

I thought it might be instructive to hear that even people who intend to be writing for a living have those moments where it’s Very Very Hard.

So don’t beat yourself up for it.

And there’s a lovely little lesson embedded in those struggles. Not only that, but you may not be surprised to know that it’s all wrapped up with mindset and Play. ;-)

Let’s think about it for a minute…

Is that what you carry around in your head?

That could be a problem…

…”work that is devoid of play is either boring or a grind. We can get pretty far through sheer will-power, and some people have prodigious powers of perfectionism, self-denial, and suffering. Ultimately, though, people cannot succeed in rising to the highest levels of their field if they don’t enjoy what they are doing, if they don’t make time for play. Having a fierce

dedication to grinding out the work is often not enough. Without some sense of fun or play, people usually can’t make themselves stick to any discipline long enough to master it.”

— Stuart Brown, Play

So how does one re-learn how to play?

Have you heard yourself saying that several days in a row?

What would happen if you had a “Real Job”, a job for which someone paid you to show up and do a role in their company or if you had clients expecting you to show up? Would it be any different to say, “I don’t have time”….?

If this is ever something you find yourself saying, do I have a challenge for you!….

Instead of saying “I don’t have the time to do that”,say instead “it’s not a priority for me right now”.

Why? what difference might this make?

I’m betting that if you have to say out loud to yourself: “My dissertation isn’t a priority right now”, it will at least make you stop and think about that.

Sometimes kids and meals and a flooding basement really are higher priorities than the dissertation.

Temporarily.

But if you’re saying this day after day for any number of events coming up, well, we at least wnat you to recognize the choices you are making.

What are your priorities today?

Isn’t this where we seem to get stuck all too often?…

“I don’t feel like it.”

“I’m so frustrated!”

“I’m bored with this.”

“I’m too worried to focus”

What if there were ways to shift this energy into a place that works better for us?

Well, good news! There are actually several ways and today we’ll look at a couple.